Love on the Back Burner

MICHAEL LANDRUM, owner and executive chef of Ray’s the SteaksIt’s Tough to Have a Tender Relationship With Long, Late Hours and No Pots at Home

It’s Saturday night at a busy Washington area restaurant.

Patrons in the dining room exchange quiet murmurs and knowing glances over an elegant meal. Behind the scenes, chefs are getting orders — and curses — shouted at them above the roar of the kitchen. And after the last cup of decaf has been poured and the last creme brulee has been cleared, the chefs make their way home. Often, alone.

It’s hard to have a love life when you’re working restaurant hours. While some Food Network shows would have you believe the chef’s life is glamorous, the reality is somewhat different.

Grueling 12- and 14-hour days spent behind a sizzling stovetop are common. Night shifts — when others are out socializing — come with the territory. Weekends, too.

The chefs understand the sacrifices — their passion for food trumps all — but the demands of the career can put a crimp in their social lives. We asked four local chefs to tell us how love can simmer beyond their restaurant kitchens. And each graciously shared a recipe suitable for a date.

MICHAEL LANDRUM, 40, owner and executive chef of Ray’s the Steaks in Arlington:

At Work: 100-plus hours per week for the past four years; in the process of opening a new restaurant in Silver Spring. „The truth of the matter is, after I fulfill my commitment to my guests, my staff and everything that it takes to maintain the personal responsibility and obligation, I really can’t say I have much left over to give to anyone else.“

In Love: Had someone special in his life for „too short a period of time. . . . Truthfully, I’m still deluding myself that I will be together with this woman.“

At Home: His refrigerator’s been unplugged for 3 1/2 years. „I don’t cook at home because I have no one to cook for. I don’t have a can opener, pots and pans . . . . I drink water at home, but I don’t even have glasses.“

The Bottom Line: „In my life, there’s no line between work and private time.“

MICHAEL HANRATTY, 29, sous-chef at Mie N Yu in Georgetown:

At Work: Five days a week, from 1 p.m. to midnight; started in the restaurant business as a 16-year-old dishwasher. „You get out of work at midnight and most people are either in bed or drunk. Those are your two choices. If you’re going to meet someone after work, you’re going to meet them at a bar and woo! There’s dancing on tables! You’re not going to be like, ‘Wow, I’m going to marry this girl.’ „

In Love: His last girlfriend „just didn’t know what the schedules of chefs were like. She’d call at 1:30 in the morning and ask where I was. Well, I got off from work 45 minutes ago, so I was at the Rite Aid. It didn’t occur to her that it would be completely normal for somebody to come home at 1:30 in the morning, act like it’s 6 in the afternoon, make something to eat, sit there and watch a half-hour of TV and call it a night. And that’s an early night.“

At Home: He cooks „pretty simple stuff“ for himself and would ease in a girlfriend with easy, home-cooked meals. „I usually don’t go full-blown out in the beginning of a relationship. You don’t want to spend 10 hours cooking, make all this stuff and find out she doesn’t like it. It’s just like dating — you start out slow.“

The Bottom Line: „It would be nice if I could meet people in a normal — or different — way. But what’s a normal way? I have no clue.“

GRAHAM BARTLETT, 29, executive chef at Zengo in Chinatown:

At Work: 85 to 90 hours each week; started in the business at age 15.

„I’m not so fatalistic to think that there’s no alternative. But for now, I’m so excited about what I do. I couldn’t miss the action, the adrenaline.“

In Love: He cites conflicting hours as a big reason for the demise of his most recent relationship — and his subsequent move from Denver to Washington. „We started out in the same business, and she wanted to do something outside the industry. A couple of years down the road, it became problematic.“

At Home: He says his most serious relationship right now is with food, but that doesn’t mean it will always be his only love. „I even dreamed about it last night. I was carrying a case of apples, and there was a beautiful woman in front of me, and I threw it down. I guess that means I wanted the woman more than the apples.“

The Bottom Line: He says he knows plenty of happily married chefs, but „it’s not to say that we’re not lonely souls or anything. If your significant other has a more 9-to-5 schedule, then it’s going to be rough on your relationship. . . . . A lot of chefs that I know go AWOL when they meet a girl and never come back.“

AMY FOSTER, 23, pastry chef at Tallula in Arlington:

At Work: „I usually work at least 50 [hours], but last week it was 75 because somebody quit.

„I love what I do . . . With love, whatever happens, happens. You just have to deal with it as it comes.“

In Love: She recently ended a two-year relationship with a chef whose schedule was opposite her own. „It was ridiculous. I was working 7 a.m. to 5 p.m., and he would work 1 p.m. until late at night, so the only times we would see each other was if I had a day off or if he had a day off.“ So they left each other lots of notes: „It’s kind of corny, but it worked. And it was always nice to go home and say, ‘Oh, there’s a note for me!’ It was our way of communicating.“

She’s wondered what her life would be like if she married a chef and is uncertain if she even wants to date another one. „If we have kids, what do you do with the kids? When do you spend time together as a family? If I was working days and he was working nights, would we do a tradeoff?“ (Her parents both worked at McDonald’s when she was a child and did just that. )

At Home: She’s wiped out by the time she gets home after work and says the last thing she wants to do is prepare a meal. But she’s hopeful that won’t always be the case. „Cooking is a very personal thing. When you have someone special to cook for, it is a big deal. I would definitely do it then, but for me, when I go home, peanut butter and jelly is fantastic.“

The Bottom Line: „Whichever way things go, I think it will all work out. If I marry someone in the industry or if I marry someone who isn’t in the industry, I think we’ll make it work.“

Korin Miller, whose longtime boyfriend is a chef, writes the Names & Faces column for Style.

Comment: …with drinks, appetizers, and tip, the bill was around $45 per person. The steak with mushroom sauce was really excellent

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Örn Garðarsson